The other day an old bag called me to let me know I have a neighbor who is struggling with my loss. I get it. This is greater than me. It’s hard for a lot of people. It some ways it is comforting to know other people feel the grief because I don’t want to be the only person that recognizes the world has changed.

Back to the ol’ bag, she thought it would be a good idea to suggest I go over and visit her. Perhaps give her some of the grief books that have helped me and cheer her up. I’m all about loving thy neighbor but for real. I do have a stack of grief books but I’m not reading them, nor was I planning on putting book reports together.

It seems to me, if you were to go through open heart surgery and someone recommended you take brownies to your friend because they are sad about your surgery, you may think that someone is a nut ball. That or they’re in their 60s. It’s scientifically proven one starts to REALLY lose their mental capacity at 60. And by science, I mean by observing my mom.

So how did I respond. Exactly as you would expect. I was polite. Dang it. My mama raised me wrong. This is the worst thing you can do. I’ve come to the conclusion that if people think you are fine than you must be fine. I would recommend you have better coping mechanisms than I. I cry in silence. I keep it to myself. BUT you should lose your shit. Run up and down the streets naked. Yell profane things (wait, I have this one covered). Do things that are slightly questionable. Do things that make people question your mental stability and keep them from calling the police because your just too unstable. I assume this keeps people at bay.

Life is a game of Monopoly. I’ve always hated Monopoly. It’s fun for the first 30 minutes buying up property and circling the board collecting cash along the way. The next 5 days are painful. To make it to the end of the game you have to crush all your opponents by taking all their loot and property. It’s a ruthless game. Perhaps it should be renamed Life ‘cept I think that name is already taken.

Circling the board gives you ample opportunities to collect Chance cards. These cards can land you in jail. But sometimes you get the coveted “get out of jail free” card. Hang on to this card! You are going to need it! Like Monopoly, life, real life not the game, forces you to collect chance cards along the way. Get a new job, lose your job, find new love, pay taxes, win the lottery, have a baby, lose a loved one. Things along those lines. One rarely gets a real life get out of jail free card. BUT…this is where I can help. One must know what freebies they have in order to take full advantage of life’s curve balls.

For me this came in the form of a phone call to the insurance company after my car window and brake light had been smashed out by an evil gust of wind in Lehi. Stupid Utah County. This would have never happened in the SLC. When I called to report the incident to my insurance agent he told me things would be covered under comprehensive insurance. He then mentioned there was an “accident forgiveness” on my account. I inquired to what this meant and he told me the next accident is on them. Get out of jail free (smirk). I graciously thanked him for the information and assured him that I would not disappoint.

I could confess all the ideas I’ve come up with to maximize my accident forgiveness BUT that’s never a good idea. The point is to simply know what you’ve got to give and then give it your all. You’re welcome.